Dead lawyer joke
A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only fifty five."
"Fifty five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you’re eighty two."
"How in the world did you get that number?" the lawyer asks.
Lawyer and the devil
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
Lawyer: Send Me
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."
Bury the lawyers
A poor lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court was asked to donate a dollar. "Only a dollar?" said the Justice, "Only a buck to bury an attorney? Here's a ten spot... go and bury nine more of them."
Answers St. Peter: "We added up the billable hours you charged your clients."
0 comments:
Post a Comment