"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing
the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."
"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that
yours."
"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the
gloves.
"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and
panties."
Showing posts with label Naughty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Naughty. Show all posts
Her Size
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Sex Therapist Office
A couple went to a sex therapist office at ABC Hospital. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse", and charged them Rs. 300.
This happened several weeks in a row.
The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.
Finally one day the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. The thing is, she is married and we can't go to her house, I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Hyatt Hotel charges Rs. 2500, Hotel Taj charges Rs.2000 and Le Meridian charges Rs.1500. We do it here for Rs.300, and I get that back from my insurance company."
Three Nuns
there were 3 nuns in the church 2 were crying 1 was laughing the preist walked up 2 a crying 1 and said 'why are u crying' the nun said i killed some 1 ,the priest said go drink from the holy water so he went up 2 the 2nd crying nun and said why are u crying she said' i stole a car' and he told her to drink from the holy water 2 then went up 2 the laughing nun and said why are u laughing she said' i peed in the holy water'
Trip to Chicago
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago". "Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?!" Bob exclaims, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"
Gay Man Funeral
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Gynaecologist
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?"
"Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"Correct," says the doctor.
He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m doing now", he says.
"Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"That`s right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes."
As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?"
"Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"Correct," says the doctor.
He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m doing now", he says.
"Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"That`s right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes."
$500 Trick Very Nice
A guy is walking down the street, sees a beautiful woman with a very short skirt, approaches her and says, "My god, you're hot!!! I've GOT to make it with you! I can't help myself, and no matter what, I've GOT to have you!"
The woman is very shocked and asks him, "What!? HERE? In the middle of the street!?"
The guy answers, "I've got to have you now! So I'll make you an offer. I'll drop $500 on the sidewalk and, while you're picking it up, I will do everything I want. OK?"
The lady seems to be in intense thought. Then she calls her friend. She tells her friend the story, looking for some advice. The friend says, "It's no big problem. When he drops the money, you pick up the $500 fast, and he won't even have time to get his fireman out of his pants before you finish picking it up. Just take the money and run!"
The next day, the friend sees the woman walking like an old woman. The friend asks, "What happened to you!?"
The woman answers nervously, "That son-of-a-bitch dropped $500 in quarters!"
The woman is very shocked and asks him, "What!? HERE? In the middle of the street!?"
The guy answers, "I've got to have you now! So I'll make you an offer. I'll drop $500 on the sidewalk and, while you're picking it up, I will do everything I want. OK?"
The lady seems to be in intense thought. Then she calls her friend. She tells her friend the story, looking for some advice. The friend says, "It's no big problem. When he drops the money, you pick up the $500 fast, and he won't even have time to get his fireman out of his pants before you finish picking it up. Just take the money and run!"
The next day, the friend sees the woman walking like an old woman. The friend asks, "What happened to you!?"
The woman answers nervously, "That son-of-a-bitch dropped $500 in quarters!"
Condom Slogans
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
Jokes : Moon Landing
Shortly after his spaceship landed on the moon, the astronaut debarked and began exploring the strange new terrain. He had walked for only fifteen minutes when he came upon a lovely young moon girl, who was busily stirring the contents of a meteoroid pot.
"Hi," he said, introducing himself. "I'm an astronaut, here to discover everything I can about life on the moon."
The moon girl stopped stirring long enough to throw him a smile. "How interesting it is that you are formed just like our moon men," she observed, looking him up and down. Pointing to her own, quite naked body, she asked, "And am I structured as are earth woman?"
"Yes, you are," answered the astronaut. "But tell me, why do you stir that pot?"
"I'm making a baby," she said. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a baby appeared in the pot.
"Would you like to see how we make babies on earth?"
asked the astronaut, by now considerably aroused. The girl said she would, so the astronaut proceeded with a passionate demonstration.
"That was enjoyable," she said afterward, "but where is the baby?"
"Oh, that takes nine months," explained the astronaut.
"Nine months?" she asked. "Then why did you stop stirring?"
"Hi," he said, introducing himself. "I'm an astronaut, here to discover everything I can about life on the moon."
The moon girl stopped stirring long enough to throw him a smile. "How interesting it is that you are formed just like our moon men," she observed, looking him up and down. Pointing to her own, quite naked body, she asked, "And am I structured as are earth woman?"
"Yes, you are," answered the astronaut. "But tell me, why do you stir that pot?"
"I'm making a baby," she said. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a baby appeared in the pot.
"Would you like to see how we make babies on earth?"
asked the astronaut, by now considerably aroused. The girl said she would, so the astronaut proceeded with a passionate demonstration.
"That was enjoyable," she said afterward, "but where is the baby?"
"Oh, that takes nine months," explained the astronaut.
"Nine months?" she asked. "Then why did you stop stirring?"
Jokes : Three Patients
One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.... .?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.... .?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
Jokes : Opening for Gynecologist's Assistant
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville, Florida , and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested he goes to learn more - 'Can you give me some more details about this?' he asks the guy behind the desk.
The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies - 'Oh yes here it is: The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions.
You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620 miles fom here.'
'Oh why, is that where the job's is located?'
'No sir - that's where the end of the applicants line is!'
Interested he goes to learn more - 'Can you give me some more details about this?' he asks the guy behind the desk.
The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies - 'Oh yes here it is: The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions.
You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620 miles fom here.'
'Oh why, is that where the job's is located?'
'No sir - that's where the end of the applicants line is!'
Reincarnation
Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Jason, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter".
Jason was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Jason, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Jason.
"Well just relax and let it happen".
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed!"
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Jason, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter".
Jason was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Jason, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Jason.
"Well just relax and let it happen".
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed!"
Funny Chinese Torture
A man is traveling through the jungle for days. Growing tired, he passes by a house and decides to ask if they could put him up for the night. After he knocks on the door, an old Chinese man with a beard that reached the floor answers. The traveler asks if he could stay the night, and the Chinese guy agrees -- as long as he doesn't screw his granddaughter. Before the traveler can agree, the old man warns him that if he does screw his granddaughter, he will perform the three greatest Chinese tortures on him. The traveler says okay, and the man lets him in.
When it was time for dinner, the man meets the granddaughter, who is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. After he figures that the old man is asleep, he goes into her room and makes love to her.
The next morning, the man awakes with a 100-lb rock on his chest with a sign reading, "First Chinese torture: wake up with 100-pound rock on chest." Being a strong man, the traveler thinks nothing of it. He picks up the rock and throws it out the window. On the back of the rock, there is another sign reading "Second Chinese torture: right ball tied to rock." Thinking quickly, the traveler jumps out the window. On the other side of the window, there is another sign reading, "Third Chinese torture: left nut tied to bed post."
When it was time for dinner, the man meets the granddaughter, who is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. After he figures that the old man is asleep, he goes into her room and makes love to her.
The next morning, the man awakes with a 100-lb rock on his chest with a sign reading, "First Chinese torture: wake up with 100-pound rock on chest." Being a strong man, the traveler thinks nothing of it. He picks up the rock and throws it out the window. On the back of the rock, there is another sign reading "Second Chinese torture: right ball tied to rock." Thinking quickly, the traveler jumps out the window. On the other side of the window, there is another sign reading, "Third Chinese torture: left nut tied to bed post."
butt joke
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
Onions And A Christmas Tree
A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated the wife and daughter. So the daughter said ” Mom, how many kinds of penises are there?”
The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!”
50 years after Marriage
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
The testicles
A patient goes to the doctor :
Patient : "I have a big problem, doc"
Doctor : "Tell me about it.."
Patient : "My problem is that i have two rather unusual testicles : a wooden and an iron one. They have become the reason that i constantly face problems with my wife and my two kids"
Doctor rather surprised: "What?? You have an iron ball and a wooden ball and.. and you have kids???"
Patient : " Errrr.. yes"
Doctor : "..and how old are your kids?"
Patient : "Pinokio is six and Robocop is 25"
Patient : "I have a big problem, doc"
Doctor : "Tell me about it.."
Patient : "My problem is that i have two rather unusual testicles : a wooden and an iron one. They have become the reason that i constantly face problems with my wife and my two kids"
Doctor rather surprised: "What?? You have an iron ball and a wooden ball and.. and you have kids???"
Patient : " Errrr.. yes"
Doctor : "..and how old are your kids?"
Patient : "Pinokio is six and Robocop is 25"
Butt Surgery :D
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything
you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied,
"I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!"
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything
you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied,
"I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!"
The Confession
Henry goes to confession and says, "Bless me Father,for I have
sinned. Last night I was with seven different women."
The priest says, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and
drink the juice without pausing."
"Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?"
"No," replies the priest. "But it'll wipe that silly grin off your
face."