Top 10 Rejection Lines by Women

Top 10 Rejection Lines by Women

[And Their Real Meanings]

10. I think of you as a brother.

(You remind me of that banjo player in "Deliverance. ")

9. There's a silent difference in our ages.

(I don't want to date my Dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in `that' way.

(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.

(I don't want you spending the night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys.)

6. I've got a boyfriend.

(I prefer the company of my cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work.

(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system,' much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.

(It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.

(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.

(I've sworn off only the men like you.)

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And the Number One rejection line given by women:

1. Let's be friends
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I date with).

Tough Texans

A brigade of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. "One man from Texas is better than ten Iraqis." The Iraqi commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes and then, silence. The voice once again calls out

"One man from Texas is better than one hundred Iraqi."

Furious, the Iraqi commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again, silence. The Rebel voice calls out again

"One man from Texas is better than one thousand Iraqi."

The enraged Iraqi commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.

Eventually one badly wounded Iraqi fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander,

"Don't send any more men...it's a trap. There are two of them.

Useful Military Warnings

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anonymous

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

(And lastly)

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Ammo Troop

Clinton's in Heaven

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne.

God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill replies, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."

God thinks for a second and says "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.

God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"

"I believe you're in my chair."

Doing more with less...

21st Century....We are becoming lesser by the day







Our communication - Wireless



Our telephone - Cordless


Our cooking - Fireless


Our youth - Jobless


Our food - Fatless


Our labour - Effortless


Our conduct - Worthless


Our relation - Loveless


Our attitude - Careless


Our feelings - Heartless


Our politics - Shameless


Our education - Valueless


Our dress - Topless


Our follies - Countless


Our arguments - Baseless




Our Job - Thankless




Our Boss - Brainless




Our Salary - Very less


Our E-mails - Useless

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't:

10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!

Birthday Parrot

A guy named David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example.



Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude.



Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute.



David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I believe that I might have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavour to correct my behaviour. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."



David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

Humor : Holmes and Dr Watson Go Camping

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping. They'd gone to sleep beneath the night sky, when Holmes awoke and shook his companion.

"Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of brilliant stars," Watson answered.

"And what does that tell you?"

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are countless galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically speaking, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. And you, Holmes?"

Holmes paused. "What I see, Watson, is that someone has stolen our tent!"

Joke: How to Catch a Lion?

Newton's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.

Einstein's Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.

A Software Engineer's Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

The George Bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin Laden and shoot him!!!

The Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at you.
You bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
The lion gets tired and surrenders

Humor Signs

On a Toilet door:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Goods are Odd :)

Jill:  Do you see that guy at the bar?

Mary: The one playing with the peanuts?

Jill:  Yeah!  He looks interesting. What do you think are my odds of
getting him to notice me?

Mary:  I think the odds are good, but I think the goods are ODD!

Answer Viva Desi Way ;)

Best answer by B.E students during viva..............

Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate : An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.

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External (to student) : "Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK. DC comes straight, like this ----------, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!" ------------------- good one : - )

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Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.

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Interviewer: H! ow will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor around, and put back the bolts.

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Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)

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Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student: "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Student (hesitantly): "Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the ground?"
(Student knows he is caught-can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"

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TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS
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Engineers at work:

Assignments solved by one and then carry out mass transfer operations throughout the class

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The most important machine for Engineers:

Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion couldn't be possible)

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Top two Engineering Rumours:

Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm
Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks

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Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:

'What is this man, 60% o f the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire
engineering history' 'I am failing'

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TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax

5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

10) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

11) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

12) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

13) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

14) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

15) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

16) Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

17) Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

18) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!


19) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

20) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!

Valentines day hiring ;)

Happy Valentines Day

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and

incentives are mentioned below.

Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)

Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys

(Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)

Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.

Age : 18-26 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)

Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:

Total gross ( Monthly ) :

· 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)

· bike rides each duration 1 hour

· trips to National Highways

· 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple

· Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days

· Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-

· 2 movies (Family movies only) per month (on weekends)

· Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend (On your own

expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability

and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining

The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Plz NOTE:

1. Only females.

2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.

3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:

For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral. Program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.

Search,,,,,, , never ends!!

Interested candidates can send their resume with

Subject:

Name/fresher- exp/age.

Photo must be in attachment. to the email address via mail

Note: Applications without photo will be rejected

Political Jokes- good ones

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after

the attack on the Pentagon:

"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in

case

you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of

everything."




============ ========= ========= ========= =====


Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you.

It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great

bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection

with

that..

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!



============ ========= ========= ========= ====



Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the

barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"

The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says,

"Hello, what are you guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14

million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry

about the 14 million Pakistanis!"


============ ========= ========= ========= =====



Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?

A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

============ ========= ========= ========= =====


A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees

a

little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing

the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a

hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:

"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".

The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:

"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.

"But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"

The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"

The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog"